When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
