I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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