her vagine was all disorganized.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
