omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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