3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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