the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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