I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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