Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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