so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize