know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
