God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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