very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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