o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
