I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
