I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
