I'm gonna have a badass scar
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
