Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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