i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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