Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
