i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
