Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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