dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
