You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize