You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
