I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
