we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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