Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just pee around me
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
