The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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