and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
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