I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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