Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize