I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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