he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
