can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
