I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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