why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
