Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I want to be your penis for a week.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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