Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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