there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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