hotel room ftw
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Its about making memories worth repressing
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
