Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
