if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
