so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
please come you make the beer taste better
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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