Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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