Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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