Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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