When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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