for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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