how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
