I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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