is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
