Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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