I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
how do you play pong handcuffed?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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