my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Welp...herpes.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
