We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
