Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize