She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
