just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
