and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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