Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
