I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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