I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
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