He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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