Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
