dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
