I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
