you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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