the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
