dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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