Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
