I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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